A Change For Heart

On Monday, I had a minor panic attack when thinking about my upcoming cruise. I had a flashback to my last cruise and the day I spent feeling seasick. I called my doctor and asked for a prescription of the patch. His receptionist told me he needed to see me. Just as I was about to kick myself for waiting so late to get a prescription, the receptionist told my that I was in luck. There was an opening for me the very next day. I told her that he might as well take care of my blood pressure and cholesterol prescription renewals at the same time. I knew they were running out in a few weeks, but I was still holding out for a sudden loss of fifty or eighty pounds before seeing the doctor.

I really hate going to the doctor. Find me someone who likes to hear how they are bigger and fatter each visit, and I will run naked through Ingram Mall. I knew walking into the appointment that my doctor was going to be disappointed with me. I was supposed to be working on my weight, but instead, I had gained my usual summer twenty. Fortunately, that wasn't reflected on the scale. It still showed a slight loss of about four pounds since my last appointment. It was not exactly the big reduction he was looking for.

To make matters even worse, the nurse who was taking my blood pressure, pulse, etc., mentioned that it was time for an EKG. I would honestly rather have a root canal without anesthetic than have one of those. They scare me more than any other medical procedure I have ever been through. That's saying a lot, since I had a camera a mile up my behind last fall. I'm not afraid of the EKG procedure, just what it is looking for. I'm no idiot. I'm a 50-year-old fat man who lost several uncles, one mother, and a grandmother to heart disease. I know my time is coming, especially if I don't do something about my weight.

My blood pressure sky-rocketed, and I was a sopping wet bundle of nerves before the nurse could even get back to the room with the EKG machine. I was sweating so bad, she couldn't get all of those little sticky probes to stick to my chest. She ended up shaving these lovely giant spots on each of my man boobs. They look lovely. Almost like crop circles! Now I have another reason not to take my shirt off at the beach. Anyway, she wiped me dry and finally got the probes stuck to me. Meanwhile, I was flat on my back on that tiny little examining room bed, sweating even more, and barely able to breathe through my stuffy nose.

When she finally finished the test, there was something different about her manner. You know how you look at the flight attendants during a bumpy flight to see if they are nervous? Well, she failed that test. I knew right away there was a problem with my EKG. You guessed it, I started sweating even more. I soaked that piece of white paper they always make you sit on, and pieces were stuck to my back. When she left the room, I tore the whole damned thing off and used it dry myself a little before getting dressed. Then I paced back and forth waiting for the doctor to come in.

My doctor is a really nice guy. He acts like you are his only patient, and devotes plenty of time to you. He started off by asking routine questions. We talked about my weight as expected. He said, "I would like you to lose some weight" and mentioned that my blood pressure was a little higher than desirable. I told him that was because I was freaking out about the EKG. He told me to monitor it over the next week or so to see if it was an isolated thing. I told him that was fine with me, and shifted the conversation back to the EKG. I told him that I could tell the nurse had seen something during the test. He told me that there was an indication that I had had a heart attack since my last appointment. Before I had time to freak out over that, he told me he didn't think I had one. He said that in the area of my heart indicated by the EKG, I would have had way too much pain for a heart attack to go unnoticed. For the second time in a year, I cried in his office. This time they were tears of relief. We won't talk about the last time.

I pulled myself back together, and we moved on to a discussion about the patch. I told him about getting sea sick for a whole day during my last cruise. We had already been at sea for five days before it happened. Josh got hit with it at the same exact time. Anyway, the doctor decided not to prescribe the patch. Instead, he gave me a prescription to use if I do get sick. He said the negatives of the patch outweighed the benefits. That was fine with me. When I wore the patch on my first cruise, it gave me an uncomfortable feeling in my head and eyes.

So, here's the plan. I'm going to go on my cruise and have a good time. When I get back, changes are coming. I bought a diet and exercise record at Barnes and Noble. I am going to get two miles of walking in every day, even if I have to go to Spectrum to do it in the air conditioning. I'm going to count calories and get most of them from unprocessed healthy foods. I am going to focus on a year long goal. Hopefully, Rachel will join me in this venture. Now that Josh is going off to college, healthy meals should be possible all the time. Rachel is smart enough to know the benefits, and Jared will eat anything anyway. If all goes well, I will be a lot farther down the road to good health the next time I see the doctor. This comes with some anxiety, though. I have been at this stage of the game so many times it hurts. Maybe this time all the pieces will come together.