Dog No More: SparkPeople Series #1

I am going to move some of my SparkPeople blog posts here. Why? Just because I want some of them here.

Dog No More (January 13th 2009)

You know, I have been like that proverbial dog returning to his vomit for as long as I can remember. That's true in most areas of my life, as you will see.

Take organization, for example. I can clean out my dresser drawers and rearrange them neatly. I will adhere to the new arrangement for awhile, until one day I just realize that my drawers are a mess and need to be redone.

Same with my van. I will enlist the aid of both sons to scrub it clean at the beginning of each summer. We even steam clean the seats and carpets. I empty the console of all refuse and wipe everything down with some of that Armor-All stuff that makes it all nice and shiny. Then, all of a sudden, I'll be driving along and notice that the inside of the van looks like the city dump. I don't see it happening. It just magically transforms from nice and clean to an absolute mess.

Historically diet and exercise have been no different for me. I'm telling you that I sat through nearly three years of Weight Watchers meetings. I lost about 70 pounds. I loved it. I was one of those self-righteous little point counters. One lady at work once said, "Shut up about the points and let me eat in peace!" I was that bad. Then one day it just dawned on me that I had gained 50 of the pounds back even though I went to the meetings and weighed in weekly. For nearly a year I thought I was playing with 5 pounds. You probably know that game. One week you lose five pounds, the next you gain seven. Then you lose five pounds the third week, and gain seven again the fourth. That basically means that you're gaining a pound a week! I honestly did not notice the whole picture. I was too involved in "oh goody, I lost 5 pounds, let's celebrate at that Chinese buffet with the all you can eat pot stickers!" Oh, SNAP! It's those binges at the Chinese buffet that make me look like Buddha in my motivational nudie video. I get it now.

With exercise it's even more pathetic. I make a plan. I get started in a gung ho manner. I buy work out clothes. I buy workout equipment. I pay for 13 personal trainer sessions at Spectrum. Then one day someone says something like, "Hey, Jim. Are you still walking all those miles each week?" Instantly, I realize that I haven't walked farther than the mailbox in more than three months. Nope, I'm too busy laying on the couch (like that dog I mentioned earlier) with a wash basin sized bowl of Doritos resting on my belly. WOOF!