Koyote Ranch Trip: A Howling Good Time!

AUGUST 1, 20011

Well this is my last camping trip for the summer of 2011. I am at a very nice resort out in Medina, TX, called the Koyote Ranch. This place has it all. There are cabins of every size, tent spots, and RV spots. They have a nice hiking trail, an infinity pool, a rec hall, a restaurant/store, and a biergarten. I love it. Normally, it would be just out of my price range. A night here in an RV costs $40. I know that doesn't sound like much, but face it...Palmetto State Park is only $16. I am a camper on a budget. However, this place is running a special in August. If you book a night on a Monday-Wednesday, your second night is free. That is exactly what I did, so it is costing me a total of $45 for the two nights combined. The extra $5 is because I opted for a pull through, since they had them, and I could afford it. I'll talk about that later.

The morning started out okay. It was my job to get N2S to band camp at 8:00AM, since Mom had an inservice to go to all day. Even though N2S couldn't sleep last night (summer has all of us on a wacky sleep schedule!), he was actually pleasant on the drive to the band hall. From there, I snuck over to Tink-A-Tako #11 and had my favorite breakfast, machacado con huevos. It was, as usual, fantastic.

I went back home and let the dogs out while I finished packing. It was still not even 10:00 AM, so I got worried about driving out to the ranch. Check in time is 3:00 PM, and I did not know how strict they were about that. I tried every single number I had for them, only to get that nasty squealing message that says “the number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. If you are sure the number is correct, please try again.” I sent an email to them, but started to worry that, if they had suddenly gone out of business, I might not get a response. I went to my iPod Touch and looked up the Chamber of Commerce for Bandera. I figured that, had they shut down, news would have spread.. They assured me that it was just a phone problem. Perhaps someone had crashed into a phone pole or something.

I went ahead and drove to the gas station, filled up, and bought ice for the ice chest. Then I returned home and loaded up all my stuff. I got the camper hitched up and let the dogs out one last time. They aren't used to the back to work schedule either. Nick can go all day. Vinny is debatable. (He is currently wearing potty pants. They only come off when he goes outside. The maker claims that he will be totally potty trained in about three weeks. We did not know he was peeing in the house. He was being very covert about it, and his tiny little puddles were not noticed until I stepped on one! We got a black light and learned that Vinny didn't have a clue where to pee!) While the boys were out, I tried the ranch one more time and got through. They were having phone problems. She told me I could come out whenever I was ready since I was in an RV spot. The 3:00 PM time is more for the cabins because they have to be cleaned and restocked.

I had a very pleasant drive out here. I checked in and got the rules. The two most important ones seem to be NO FIRE of any kind, except a gas stove and “No nakedness or lewd behavior will be tolerated-Anyone caught in a compromising situation will be asked to leave the park IMMEDIATELY!” I felt like a pervert because she really stressed that naked rule, as if she knew something about me. Maybe it's more of that Jim Bakker from PTL crap! You know people used to hang up on me when I tried to make reservations. They would ask, “What name should we put the reservation in, sir?” I would say, “Jim Baker.” They would say, “Yeah, right, and Tammy Faye is coming, too?” Then they would just slam the phone down and hang up on me! Oh well, I can count the people who have seen me naked in the last 20 years on two fingers, and one of those fingers is my doctor's. EEEWWWE!

I drove on to my pull through. It is 90 feet long! I wasn't even sure where to put my dinky little popup. I was a little disappointed that there is not a bit of shade in the big rig area. I guess they assume that those giants with their central heat and air don't worry about shade. I probably should have traded back to a back-in, but I decided to tough it out. Besides, up on this plateau, there is a constant breeze that sort of makes you forget how hot it is.

Setting up the camper went fairly smoothly up to a point. I took my time and got almost everything done. Then, I discovered that one of the emergency exit zippers was totally unzipped. You open them to make folding down the tent part of the popup easier. I had to remove the door, take down the bunk ends, crank the camper down about four inches, and get the zipper back together. Then I was able to get it all back up and ready to go.

While I waited for the camper to cool down a little bit, I took a walk around the area and explored. Then I came back and sat in the cool for awhile before venturing off. It was about 78 degrees in the camper during the heat of the day, but the fan made that seem cool enough. I drove over to the mercantile and looked around. It had about twenty people in there at lunch time when I checked in. Now it was deserted. It has lots of beer and wine and a few things you might have forgotten to pack for your trip. It is nice inside. I will probably eat there tomorrow. I took several pictures and came back to the camper.

I messed around on the computer for awhile processing pictures. Then I realized I was hungry. I had planned on eating here, but wasn't hungry enough to eat earlier when it was still open. Instead, I went to Yelp and looked for a place to eat. I decided on Brick's River Cafe in Bandera. It was a nice drive back without the camper behind me. I got to go a little faster, but the curves made me too nervous to go the speed limit. The restaurant was really good. The tea was great. It was in those old mason jars that everyone was using as a trendy thing in the eighties. A lady at a table next to me ordered fried mushrooms. They were so big that I had to ask the waitress what they were. I usually don't care for fried food because it upsets my stomach even after I have eaten it with pleasure, so I passed. Another lady had a chicken fried steak. Sometime, when I have a dozen friends with me, I wouldn't mind splitting one of those. It was so huge that she was embarrassed when they served it to her. I opted for a Reuben sandwich with sweet potato fries. It was good, but not as good as the vegetarian one I had last week in Luling. I could only eat half of it. Don't worry, I already snacked on the other half here at the camper.

When I got back to the ranch, I decided to hike the Bigfoot Trail. It turned out to be longer and more arduous than I expected, but it was beautiful. It winds up into the hills above the ranch and then comes back down way over by the front part of it. It was kind of creepy by myself. I kept hearing voices and footsteps, but never saw anyone behind me. The trail ended near some really nice little cabins. I walked around looking in windows and taking pictures. Then I noticed two women coming from the trail. They had been behind me the whole time, but were never in sight!

Back at the camper, I sat and watched the sun go down over the hills through my front-side window. Just as the sun disappeared, deer started coming to feed on the hill. I watched them until it was too dark to see. Now I am writing this while enjoying a glass of Shiraz. Then I am going back outside to see if I can see the stars. They should be pretty good tonight. There is no light to get in the way, and the sky is clear. Later!

The stars are amazing. I can actually see the Milky Way. It has been years since I have seen that. Now, it is no where near as bright and obvious as it was when I was a kid. But, you can see that long streak of it going across the sky. I went up to the bathhouse and there were no lights of any kind up there to interfere with the view. In fact, it was kind of creepy going up there because it was so dark.

AUGUST 2, 2011

This has been an awesome day. It started for me at about 8:00 when I first woke up. I woke up, but I didn't get up. It was nice and cold in the camper so I kept going back to sleep until after 9:00. Then I got the coffee going and hiked up to the bathhouse for my morning usuals.

I discovered that I had forgotten my breakfast bars. I don't have a clue where they might be in the house. I thought I threw them directly into my big white provisions box.. But no- another disaster. No breakfast for Jim. Okay, I'm being much too dramatic. I did have a banana, and lunch was only a few hours later. Still, I wanted my breakfast bars.

I messed around in the camper for awhile drinking coffee and reading my book. Then I checked in with Facebook and Popup Portal, since I have the luxury of WiFi in the camper. I got everything ready for my hike at Hill Country State Natural Area. I filled my CamelBak® with a 50/50 solution of Gatorade and water. Then I changed out the batteries on my Flip video and got all of my stuff ready to go right after lunch.

I decided to go to the Mercantile here at the ranch for lunch today. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had a vegetarian quesadilla, or I should say a half of one. It was humungous. I was glad I didn't order the whole. From my table, I had a great view of the chef. He chopped tomatoes, onions, peppers, and mushrooms. Then while they were grilling, he toasted a giant tortilla with some cheese on it. He scooped the veggies up, dropped them on top, folded it in half, and grilled it some more. It was really good.

After lunch, I drove all the way up to the bathhouse before going to the camper to get my stuff. I didn't want to get all hot and sweaty hiking up there before driving in to Bandera. I sat in the truck for a few minutes after getting my stuff and locking up the camper, so that I could put coordinates into the Tom Tom for the natural area. I found it listed under points of interest, so I clicked on it and headed out.

The part of Highway 16 that goes from the ranch to Bandera is a little scary for me. It is narrow with no shoulder to speak of and winds all over the place. It is a nice drive, but the locals want to drive 80 on it and don't care that city folks aren't use to driving curvy roads at high speeds. I try to go at least 60 MPH (the limit is 65), but I slow down for the curves. Most of them have bridges crossing the Medina river in the middle of them. That is the reason for the curves. The road follows the river. Fortunately, there was a work crew on the last few miles of it. You had to sit there and wait for a “pilot vehicle” to guide you through the area they were working on, since they had it down to one lane open. I was happy to go twenty behind him without worrying about the meanies behind me.

Just as I was entering Bandera, the Tom Tom told me to turn right and head out towards the town of Tarpley. Those of you who watch Dives, Diners, and Drive Ins probably would recognize the town if I mentioned Mac and Earnie's, a gourmet restaurant housed in a shack in the middle of nowhere. It was covered on Guy Fieri's first episode of the show. Rachel and I went there once with some friends for dinner. It was interesting and very good. You have to carry your food from the shack and eat in a gas station.

Anyway, before I even got to Tarpley, the Tom Tom told me I had reached my destination. I looked around and saw nothing. No signs. No driveways. No anything. Tom Tom had lied to me. I felt betrayed. There were buzzards flying in the sky when I got there. But, I think I heard one of them say, “Look another Tom Tom victim. Maybe we can eat him!” I remembered that I had OnStar, so I pushed the button and told the lady where I was going. She said she was downloading the directions for me, but I went down a hill and lost service. I made a u-turn and headed back toward Bandera, pushed the button again, and this time directions were downloaded. I was told to make another u-turn “as soon as it is legal and safe to do so”. Then it took me a few hundred yards down the road and told me to turn left on the YMCA Ranch road. There was no road there, so I drove on for about a half mile and found the YMCA Ranch entrance, which was gated and locked. I pushed OnStar again. They downloaded my directions. Once again, I was told to make a u-turn, this time heading back to Bandera. At exactly the same spot, I was instructed to make a right turn on the YMCA Ranch road.

This was all getting a little crazy. I pulled off the road and sniffed my cup. Nope, I was drinking iced tea left over from lunch. I had not forgotten a stop at some bar. I remembered that I had downloaded the park map as a PDF on my iPod Touch so I fired it up and tried to figure out what roads led in, but the maps are not meant to get you there. They only show the roads, campsites, and trails in the parks. It did have a phone number, so I got my phone, but didn't have any service. I had to drive back closer to Bandera and go up that stupid hill!

The ranger who answered the park phone told me how to get there. You go all the way through downtown Bandera, go about two miles further, and turn onto State Highway 1077. Then you go ten miles until it dead ends at the park. In fact the last few miles are unpaved! Inside headquarters, the ranger told me that everyone complains that they can't find it with anything electronic. She said that you could get there from the YMCA Ranch, but it is a trail, not a road, and has not been used since the state took over the natural area!

I told the ranger that I wanted to hike for about two hours. I told her I didn't mind occasional hills, as long as they were followed by level areas and were nothing like Lost Maples. She told me to take trail 8. She said that the hills were hardly noticeable and that coming back, it was more like “steps” coming down and less rocky. She also said it was the shadiest trail. The other ranger asked, “Mr. do you realize it is 104 degrees out there?” I told him I was okay with that. He said he wanted me to check in when I got back so they would know I was okay. (The office was closed when I got back, so I just left. If he was worried about me, he didn't stick around.) I went to the truck, got my CamelBak®, and taped my permit on the windshield before heading off.

Well, I have to tell you that the park is absolutely beautiful. I really liked the trail. It was wide and easy to hike on for the most part. But, I totally have to disagree with the ranger who told me it was not very hilly and had lots of shade. After going about the first half mile, it was uphill all the way until the last seven tenths of a mile when it sloped back down. The steps that she mentioned were pretty much the kind of trail you see at Lost Maples. Granted it was just a small patch of it. As for shade? There was almost none at all. About every hundred yards or so there would be one tree offering some. When I needed to stop and rest a couple of times, I had to sit on burning rocks out in the sun. The only shade in those areas would have been to crawl under a nasty old cedar tree.

When I had three tenths of a mile left to get back to the parking lot (I had my Garmin with me), I unscrewed my CamelBak® and drank the rest of it. I new that the tea in my car would still be cold, even if the ice had melted. For me, a tenth of a mile is about two hundred steps. I figured I could go six hundred steps without dying from thirst. I never once felt dehydrated. However, I was exhausted from all that hill climbing and absolutely sick to death of the HOT HOT HOT HOT sun! I got in the truck, downed the cool tea, cranked up the AC and headed back to camp.

I was planning to stop at the Subway in the Super S grocery store in Bandera. However, my shirt was soaked and had salt rings all over it. I don't think I smelled bad, but I really felt grimy. I went to the Sonic instead and got a Route 44 Cherry Limeade and a Chicago style hot dog. I carried them back to the camper, but just wasn't ready to eat. Instead I packed up everything I needed and hiked up to the bathhouse for a shower. It felt good to be clean again, but since it wasn't airconditioned, it was hot and steamy inside. As soon as I had my skivvies on, I opened the door and finished dressing. The bathhouse is pretty isolated, and I was too damned hot to be shy. I didn't think that would count as naked or lewd behavior!

Back in the camper, I ate the hotdog and took a short nap. When I woke up, I felt totally recharged, and have been been doing things like working on pictures and writing this ever since. It is almost ten already. I think I will get to bed early and read some of my book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, for awhile. Since I started reading all the posts on the PopUpPortal site, my reading of books has fallen behind. I should have finished Henrietta by now. Whatever. Right now, I have to finish this bottle of Shiraz. Isn't it funny how they put the perfect amount in the bottle for a two-night trip?

I am going to be optimistic and post this tonight. I am hoping that forgetting my breakfast bars was this trip's only disaster. If not, I will edit it later.